


i could never leave

by smartbuckley



Series: Buddie Tumblr Prompts [9]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Insecurities, M/M, miscommunications
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 16:08:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21460798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smartbuckley/pseuds/smartbuckley
Summary: From the prompt:Buddie Prompt: buck and Eddie have been together for almost a year when Eddie starts acting strangely: lying about where he’s been, being distant and mysterious, changing the subject when buck walks in. Buck realizes that he is losing the man he loves and begins feeling extremely depressed and just waiting for it to happen when one night instead of Eddie breaking up with him, he actually proposes, and realizes how his behavior has hurt his partner in the process
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Josh Russo, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Buddie Tumblr Prompts [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1528010
Comments: 62
Kudos: 632





	i could never leave

**Author's Note:**

> Right, this took me a few days, but I actually truly loved this prompt. 5+1 things and implied/referenced cheating with no actual cheating is kind of my jam, so I hope all of you enjoy this.

**ONE**

Walking into the fire station with a grin, Buck couldn’t help but feel like he was on top of the world. If you had asked him a little more than a year ago if he saw himself this happy -- honestly, truly happy the way he was now -- he wouldn’t have been able to tell you if he would be. Hell, he probably would’ve laughed in disbelief if you had told him he was going to be this happy. But he  _ was _ , which was something he never thought possible after the truck crushing his leg, or the pulmonary embolism, or the tsunami and especially the lawsuit. All of these things were something he wasn’t even sure he could be able to jump over - the hurdles too big - especially after the lawsuit, when everyone had been isolating him, his best friend included - but eventually, everything seemed to click into place.

Of course, it all did that because he had found out about Eddie’s street fighting and had words with  _ him _ \-- words that they couldn’t take back and hadn’t wanted to take back. Words that had led to angry kisses, and thrusts, and a quick fuck in Eddie’s bed, both of them very thankful that Christopher was at his Abuela’s for the night.

And then that next morning, Eddie and Buck had woken up, things awkward between them because that had just happened, and neither knew if the other person had actually wanted it to happen - but Buck had started to make breakfast, and the two of them, after awkwardly eating in silence, had talked and both could  _ definitely _ admit to having had feelings for the other person, which is why the past little while had been so much more tougher on both of them. 

And after that, it seemed like everything between Eddie and himself had just clicked into place, with Eddie asking Buck out on a date, and then the two of them sharing slow, languid kisses the rest of the day. Buck had spent the entire day with Eddie, and then Christopher, once he had returned, and Buck found himself the happiest he had been. 

The next few days had passed by similarly, and Buck -- Buck had been so happy. And he knew that Eddie felt the same way. Knew that there was no way anything could go wrong. And the days had continued like that, Buck spending more and more time at Eddie’s with Eddie and Christopher before eventually, Eddie had asked Buck to move in with them. That had been four months into their relationship and Buck had answered in the positive almost immediately, since a lot of his stuff had already been at Eddie’s home anyways.

_ Their _ home, which was something Buck had to get used to for a little while.

The days had passed by, and now -- Now Buck was walking into the fire station with a grin, heading towards the locker area in order to look for Eddie, who wasn’t at home when he woke up, which was… not normal, but not worrying. There are numerous team mates around the station, and Buck gets himself distracted for a few minutes as he talks to them briefly before making his way to lockers, grinning when he sees his boyfriend, slowing his pace down so he can surprise the other man before he realizes Eddie’s on the phone, and --- 

“Yeah, no. I can meet you there, then.” Eddie says, and Buck finds himself frowning, tilting his head briefly as he comes to a stop next to Eddie, at his own locker, looking towards the man with a smile, wondering.

“Awesome, thanks. I’ll see you then,” Eddie adds, removing the phone from his ear with a grin towards Buck before turning it off.

“What was that about?” Buck can’t help but ask, opening his locker while watching the grin fall off Eddie’s face and the man shift in spot before answering.

“Nothing important. Sorry I missed you this morning. Had to help out my Abuela,” Eddie states, grabbing a few things from his locker while Buck frowns, knowing that Abuela was alone that morning since she had called to talk to Christopher. Shaking away the unease, or trying to, at least, Buck blows out a breath before smiling at Eddie.

“No worries. Christopher missed you, but I got him to school fine.” Buck adds, unable to stop himself from grinning once more when Eddie steps into his space and wraps his arms around his waist.

“That’s good. But I missed you this morning, and our morning routine,” Eddie whispers before leaning forward to kiss Buck, the younger man getting lost in the kiss, still unable to believe they do this before he hears Hen clearing her throat from behind them.

“Save it for later, lovebirds,” she teases before the two break away with a chuckle while Eddie hums with a teasing glint in his eyes.

“I would, but it’s our first of the morning, and I’m feeling the need for some sweetness,” Buck finds himself blushing before chuckling softly, shaking his head, his mind no longer on the thought of Eddie and his random phone call as he grabs the few things he needed from his own locker, noticing a few of Eddie’s things in it also, grabbing those just in case.

“We’ll try to hold ourselves back, I swear,” Buck ends up laughing as he makes his way to the upper levels, nudging Eddie with a grin on his face while Eddie chuckles in response, the two of them getting comfortable at the table, Bobby preparing an early breakfast for everyone. It smells good, and Buck finds himself distracted from his thoughts with everyone else surrounding him, conversations going on to the point where Buck completely forgets about his earlier thoughts and insecurities, especially when he notices Eddie looking over at him every few minutes, love clear in his eyes, cheeks flushed while the two of them stay separated for now, though not for long.

**TWO**

A few days later, Buck is lying down on one of the couches in the building, his phone in his hands as he plays a game out of boredom. His head is in Eddie’s lap, with Hen and Chimney at the pinball machine, playing a game while Bobby is in the kitchen doing dishes. They’re in between calls right now, and it’s been long enough between the two calls that the team managed to sit down and eat dinner together, a rarity during their shifts.

It’s been about thirty minutes since the meal finished, and Buck still feels stuffed from the food he ate. He feels like his stomach is protruding outwards, and looking up at Eddie, he can’t help but nudge the older man, distracting him from his own phone with a small chuckle when Eddie smirks down at him, fingers running through his hair.

“You alright?” Eddie whispers after a few minutes of just staring at one another in silence, Buck smiling softly as he tries to not close his eyes and lapse into a light sleep like he normally does when Eddie plays with his hair.

Buck hums softly, moving his body slightly so he can become more comfortable while staring up at Eddie, a small smile on his face. He can hear Chimney and Hen chuckling in the corner, but he ignores them. Eddie and himself have been dating long enough that the other two should be used to the two of them being cute together.

Eventually though, Buck finds himself closing his eyes and being lulled into a light sleep, something he doesn’t completely mind when Eddie continues to play with his hair and something, even rub his scalp. 

The next time he opens his eyes, he finds himself confused, his face hiding in Eddie’s stomach. He doesn’t remember moving around, which means he must have slept well, something that doesn’t always happen after all that he’s been through. He’s about to move back, wake himself completely up, when something makes him pause.

“No, he’s asleep right now, so we should be fine,” Eddie whispers, Buck frowning as he wonders who Eddie is talking to and what about. His fingers are no longer in his hair, and his body is tense -- Buck wonders if he could hear the other person on the line, but all he is able to hear is a feminem voice, and Buck feels his heart in his stomach. 

Straining, but trying not to let Eddie realize, Buck continues to listen to the conversation, wishing he could hear the other half of it.

“Yeah no, he has no idea, thank goodness. He’s not suspicious, or anything, which is also good,” Eddie says and Buck has to bite his lower lip to try not to cry out, because he sure as hell is now. The past eight months have been great -- or at least, he thought they were great. He should have realized though, that Eddie would get sick of him eventually and --

“I’ll see you soon to iron out the details.” Eddie says and Buck nearly sobs then and there, fingers curling into fists in front of him as he tries not to have a panic attack in his boyfriend’s lap. He should have realized that Eddie would grow sick and tired of him sooner rather than later. Buck is so lost in his thoughts he doesn’t realize Eddie has ended the call, nor that he has gotten more tense in Eddie’s lap, to the point that Eddie’s fingers are running through his hair again, but Buck can’t calm down, not like normal, and he lets himself shift some more, acting like he’s waking up and hasn’t been awake for the past little while. Slowly, he sits up, his eyes scouring the room, noting that it’s empty.

Eddie had taken a call in an empty room, without touching Buck, and had said -- Buck didn’t want to jump to conclusions. He hated it when people did that, but he wasn’t sure what else he could think in this moment. He could see Eddie looking at him, but Buck ignored him for a few minutes, trying to calm his beating heart. Surely -- surely he misheard, or was jumping to conclusions, or was even assuming something, but how could one take the words he had heard in any other way?

“You nap okay, babe?” Eddie asks and Buck tries so hard to not flinch, smiling softly at the older man and nodding his head, not sure what he would say if he tried to speak. He opens and closes his mouth a few times before taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, his hands coming up to rub his face as his shoulders slump and he lets the exhaustion and hurt that he’s feeling course through his body.

“Yeah, I did. I uh - I need to go do something. I’ll be back,” Buck gets out, standing up and walking down the stairs and out of the building, thankful he still has his phone in his pocket, and it didn’t fall into the couch when he fell asleep.

Or that Eddie put it into his pocket. But why would he put it in his pocket, if he was having an affair with someone?

Well, why wouldn’t he? Just because he was having an affair didn’t mean he still wasn’t a nice guy. Unable to stop his thoughts, Buck scowled at himself, shaking his head once more before taking his phone out of his pocket and shooting a quick text to Bobby, telling him he went on a break.

He ends up a few blocks away before sliding down a brick wall, breathing heavily. His heart feels like it’s breaking, and he doesn’t know what to do or thing, or anything like that. His phone is in his hand, and he can feel it vibrating the tone for Eddie, but he ignores it.

Maybe, he thinks, if he ignores  _ everything _ , that means Eddie still loves him.

**THREE**

The past week has been -- Buck doesn’t even know how to explain how it’s been. Ever since he woke up in Eddie’s lap and overheard that one phone call, Buck doesn’t know if  _ he’s _ being distant towards Eddie or if Eddie is the one being distant towards him. He thinks maybe it’s Eddie being distant, but is he just being colored by past experiences?

He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know how to find out, either, which is probably why he’s having lunch with Maddie and Josh, talking to them about….  _ Everything _ . 

He’s just told them what he overheard last week, his fingers trembling as he plays with the mug in his hands, his phone out on the table. His hands are cold, even with the mug in his hands, as he waits for Josh and Maddie to respond, ignoring the way they look at one another with arched eyebrows. 

He needs to have faith, he thinks. He trusts Eddie, and he should probably just ask the older man, but part of him is terrified over the answer he’s going to get. He’s terrified Eddie is going to tell him he doesn’t love him anymore, that he’s moved on, and met someone else and --

“Get out of your head, Buck,” Maddie says and he looks at her with wide eyes before taking a deep breath and nodding his head, smiling gratefully at his sister when he feels her hand take his and squeeze it.

“Listen, you love him, right?” Josh asks, continuing on before Buck can even nod his answer, “Then talk to him. This whole relationship started because you two decided to talk, after numerous problems between you two. Communication is key. So talk, and figure things out, because sweetie, if you let things fester, there’s going to be resentment,” Josh finishes while Buck bites the inside of his check, checking his phone again, jumping in slight surprise when he hears it ringing.

He sees it’s Eddie, and his heart pounds inside his chest as he takes another breath, picking his phone up and answering it.

“Hey, babe, what’s up?” Buck questions, biting on his lower lip while looking around before frowning when he hears Eddie talking about cancelling their date tonight.

“Wait, why can’t you make it?” Buck asks, fingers tapping slowly on the table in front of him as his heart pounds against his ribcage.

“I bumped into one of my old army buddies - he lost his leg during an IED and it’s the first time I’ve seen them since then. They’re only here tonight, and ---”

“Eddie, no, it’s fine, go talk to your army buddy,” Buck says with a small smile while Maddie and Josh smile back.

“You’re amazing babe,” Eddie whispers while Buck bites his lower lip, “I’ll be home late, but I’ll see you when I do, okay?” 

“Yeah, of course,” Buck responds, before Eddie and he say goodbye and the phone gets hung up. He feels unsure and insecure, a set of feelings he hates feeling, but smiles softly at his sister and her friend before lifting the mug up to his lips and drinking his tea softly.

The next few hours pass by rather fast for Buck, the three of them laughing all while Buck’s mind slowly forgets about the thoughts of Eddie having an affair. It isn’t until the sun is beginning to set that the three of them decide to end their dinner together, bills being paid and jackets being grabbed while Maddi and Buck talk quietly before Buck sees his sister's eyes widen and Josh opened his mouth in surprise.

“What?” Buck questions with a frown, turning around to look at what the two of them see before his heart plummets into his stomach at the sight of  _ Eddie _ with a woman across the street, at a table, sitting down, his hand in hers.

“Uh, did Eddie say who he was --”

“Yeah, a man. He said it was a man,” Buck whispers, looking at the woman with wide eyes, trying not to cry. He can’t see her all that well, but she’s beautiful, with dark brown hair that’s to her shoulders, and a bohemian-chic look to her that makes Buck squirm in the spot.

“I uh…” Buck begins speaking before feeling like he can’t breath. He can tell that Maddie is up behind him, her arms wrapped around his shoulders but he feels like it’s not going to be of any help, because he’s panicking.

“I don’t think he loves me anymore,” Buck whispers while Maddie’s eyes widen and Josh looks towards the table with a small glare before huffing out a breath. Buck doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know what to feel precisely, so he just hides his face into Maddie’s shoulder and lets out a small sob while her and Josh do their best to drag him away from the tables and the sight that’s forever stuck in his mind.

He doesn’t know how much time has passed before eventually, Buck realizes he’s in front of his car and Maddie is rubbing his shoulders while Josh is slightly separated from the two of them, giving them the privacy.

“Maddie,” he whispers with a small sob, raising his hand up to rub at his eyes. “Do you think I can spend the night with you? Don’t really want to go home,” Buck whispers, voice stuttering after a minute or so while Maddie nods. He was supposed to be out on a date with his boyfriend and go home after the night, spend the night together, happily so, especially with Christopher at Eddie’s aunts.

But Eddie called him and cancelled, said he was catching up with one of his army buddies, a guy who lost his leg in an IED, and then Buck  _ saw _ Eddie, but Eddie was with a female, holding hands and Buck -- Buck didn’t know how to feel about that.

Didn’t know if he wanted to investigate that, either.

“C’mon Buck, let’s go,” Maddie whispers.

**FOUR**

When Buck wakes up the next morning, he has numerous texts and missed calls from Eddie. He doesn’t know how to feel about them, so he just pushes his phone away and stares at the television across from the couch in Maddie’s apartment, a small sigh escaping from him until he hears her coming towards him from the kitchen.

“I ended up texting Eddie last night and told him you fell asleep here and you would call him when you woke up,” Maddie says, voice soft while handing him a mug. Buck nods in acknowledgement and thanks, smiling at Maddie gratefully as she sits next to him and holds his hand, squeezing it.

“So, Josh and I decided that you two really need to talk. Especially after what we saw last night. It’s not fair to you, Buck,” Maddie whispers and Buck knows that Maddie is right, but his heart aches just thinking about it.

“I wouldn’t know what to say,” Buck whispers, finger circling the rim of the mug before he places it on the table instead of his lap, wiping his eyes and shaking his head.

“I love him so much Mads. I don’t know what I would do without him, but it’s like -- this isn’t the first time, and --”

“Buck, you deserve better than this. Dad cheated on Mom constantly, and she never stood up for herself and you  _ hated it _ . Don’t be like mom. Stand up for yourself, make sure Eddie knows he can’t treat you like that,” Maddie whispers, looking at Buck’s phone when it goes off again, Eddie’s name on the screen.

Buck watched it for a few minutes, not sure if he wants to answer it before he grabs it and holds it in his hand, not accepting the call but scrolling through the texts Eddie had sent the previous night before. If Buck didn’t know better, he would assume through the texts that nothing was wrong -- there was worry in each text when Buck didn’t respond, there was no anger --

Buck didn’t understand what he did wrong, and a rather large part of him wanted to find out why Eddie lied to him.

But another part of him was incredibly scared that Eddie wouldn’t placate him any longer, and leave him, and Buck didn’t know if he was strong enough to deal with a loss like that.

Letting out a soft sigh, Buck looks towards Maddie with a smile before standing up and cancelling the call, texting Eddie quickly.

_ I’ll be home in a bit. Sorry I missed you last night _ .

A pain goes through his heart over the thought of going home, and that maybe it’s not his home, but he shoulders on, hugging Maddie quickly before making his way out to his car, and going through the motions of driving it across town, to where he lives with Eddie and Christopher, all while wondering if he’s going to have to find another place to live when Eddie leaves him.

Buck blinks, and it feels like no time had passed at all, because he finds himself in front of the door to their home, and instead of walking straight in, he hesitates. He hates that, hates that he’s hesitating before entering his home because of extenuating circumstances, circumstances he has no actual proof of, but --

Maybe he does? Buck thinks with a frown before entering the home slowly and closing the door quietly. He knows Christopher isn’t home, but he still hears Eddie talking, and he can’t help but wonder if he’s talking to the female before he makes his way to the kitchen, putting on a fake smile and hoping Eddie doesn’t notice, especially since he’s cooking breakfast.

“Hey. Sorry I missed you,” Buck interrupts, trying not to smile when Eddie jumps a little at his voice. His heart in his throat, and he tries not to let it be normal when Eddie grins at him like everything is okay, and Eddie still loves him -- Buck can’t get his hopes up, not when there’s a large part of him that feels completely devastated.

“How was catching up with your army buddy last night? His leg ok?” Buck can’t stop himself from asking, trying not to frown when Eddie looks up at him in confusion, noting the tension in his voice. Slumping forward, Buck shrugs, knowing he has to try and act normal before Eddie questions him about his attitude.

“Sorry, probably a little more tired than normal,” Buck admits while Eddie nods, stepping towards him and wrapping his arms around him with a soft smile.

“He’s good. He finished up his time and is fully out now. Apparently he’s got problems in his love life, but we can’t all have perfect relationships,” Eddie chuckles, kissing the top of Buck’s nose while Buck tries not to blush, failing when Eddie laughs once more, “And he was visiting with his friend from home -- they were trying to repair their friendship after something happened with his boyfriend and her? So I hung around her a little while, when he had to do something quickly.” Eddie adds, before grinning and pulling away.

“Get this, she’s a  _ psychic _ . She read my palm, and it was kind of amazing, I kid you not,” Eddie chuckles and Buck looks up at Eddie, nearly dropping his mouth open in surprise, eyes fluttering lightly as his heart races.

“Really? Did she say anything too good to be true?” Buck questions, head tilting as he begins hoping that what he saw last night truly was just a misunderstanding.

“Oh man, she said quite a few things that made me pause, but she was mostly on the nose about quite a few things,” Eddie responds, heading back to the stove to turn it off and remove the pans from the top, letting them cool.

“And one of those things? How head over heels I am for you,” Eddie chuckles, wrapping his arms around Buck once more and kissing him.

**FIVE**

It’s a few weeks later, and Buck feels like the past few weeks had been a fever dream. There hasn’t been any more suspicious phone calls, Eddie hasn’t missed any dates or lied about where he’s going. Buck feels like everything is back to normal, and his hopes -- his hopes are normal, once again. Everything feels perfect, between them, and them and Christopher, and the family. There’s nothing Buck would change.

Which is why when Buck sees Eddie with a woman in front of a ring store, he feels like he’s been suckerpunched, the breath stolen from him in a quick gasp that has Athena looking at him in confusion. When she finally spots what he’s looking at, he notices her face drop and her eyes narrow before she looks at him with an arched eyebrow.

“Surely it’s noth--”

“It’s not the first time,” Buck interrupts, eyes watering as he leans against the wall of the building next to them, watching as Eddie and the woman walk inside of the ring shop. He can see Athena frowning, and he knows he should probably fill her in on everything, but he doesn’t want to see the look of pity on her face.

“Suspicious calls, missed dates, saw him with a woman holding hands a few weeks ago. He said she was a friend of an army buddy of his but --” Buck pauses, narrowing his eyes when that same woman is the woman with Eddie right now, and Buck can feel his heart breaking.

“It’s the same woman in the store with him.” Buck whispers, his arms crossed in front of his chest as Athena looks between him and the store before her eyes narrow once more and she steps towards Buck and squeezes his bicep.

“I’m sure it’s nothing, Buckaroo. Eddie absolutely loves you. He wouldn’t ---”

“Go to a ring store with a woman and come out with a bag, the woman grinning happily, clapping excitedly?” Buck asks, arching his eyebrows before nodding towards the scene he just described, feeling his heart break even more. When Athena turns, he almost chuckles when her mouth drops open in surprise, but a scoff breaks free instead.

“You know, after the last time, I actually thought I was just being silly. I thought everything was going back to normal, too, but now --” Buck finishes, his voice catching for a minute as Eddie and the woman hug before walking away together. Buck shakes his head, wiping at his face.

“Are you alright, if I just, reschedule our lunch, Athena? Not really feeling up to doing anything with people right now,” Buck questions, looking at Athena with wide eyes.

“Of course, Buck. C’mon, let’s go back to our cars.” She whispers, linking her arm with his own. Buck smiles gratefully, as the two of them turn around and head back to the parking lot they were coming from, Buck’s mind too far gone to really listen to anything Athena is talking about. He knows, of course, that she’ll mention this to Bobby, and Buck can’t help but wonder if Bobby would only agree with what Eddie is doing, if the older man will whisper  _ finally _ when he realizes that the team of Buck and Eddie would soon be coming to an end.

* * *

When Buck makes it home, he looks around, his heart hurting inside his chest. He has numerous boxes in his arms, and placing them down, part of him lets out a sob before he falls to the floor, wrapping his arms around his legs as he brings them up so he can rest his head against them. He can’t stop sobbing, knowing that every fear and insecurity he has had in his relationship with Eddie has come true, and he doesn’t know how to handle that.

What Buck does know is that he’ll have to start packing soon if he wants to get out of there before Eddie comes home, because Buck can’t handle this anymore -- can’t handle not knowing when Eddie’s going to break up with him for someone else, because what else would the logical step be?

Still sobbing, Buck feels his entire body slumping forward as he begins to rock, a small headache forming as he eventually decides to get up. He stumbles, grabbing the cardboard boxes before making his way to the bedroom he shares with Eddie and falling onto the bed, numbness spreading throughout him.

All around the room, he can only see the life he’s built here, and he doesn’t -- he feels like he can’t breath, feels like he’s losing  _ everything _ and what --

Sucking back a breath, he begins building a box, not sure where to begin when it comes to packing. Everything holds so many memories for him, he feels like even touching anything is just going to send him back into sobs.

“I have to do this, though,” Buck whispers, biting on his lower lip while looking around the room and letting his shoulders slump, lying down on the bed, wondering if maybe he should just… not move. That definitely seems like a good idea, he thinks. He won’t get stuck in his head, won’t continue to cry.

Sleeping is always a good idea when hurting, he knows this from previous times in his life. But at the same time, sleeping takes away time from packing, gets him closer to seeing Eddie, who is probably going to break up with him and --

“Jesus, how often are my thoughts going to end up going in circles?” Buck questions, rubbing his face as he slowly begins to feel exhaustion creeping up on him. For a few minutes, he lets his body relax completely, and his eyelids droop, before eventually, he falls asleep, thoughts stuck on the idea of Eddie cheating on him and leaving him and --

His dreams haunt him as his body turns, but his sleep is disrupted, even when the door slams open and closes, the sounds of someone running up the stairs before stopping suddenly.

**+ONE**

The moment Eddie reads the texts from Athena and Maddie in the group chat he’s had opened for the past couple of months, his heart drops and he says goodbye to his army buddy’s friend, rushing home as fast as he possibly can. He should’ve known, he thinks, that Buck would manage to figure out something was going on and come to the wrong conclusions. But he was hopeful, and Buck hadn’t seemed all that different, and that just means that Eddie was not only a shitty boyfriend, but terrible at reading his boyfriend in general, and that just really sucked.

Realizing he was home, he spared no thought as he opened and closed the door, making his way up the stairs while noticing the boxes and getting a bad feeling in chest before stumbling into the room he shares with Buck and stopping suddenly at the sight of him in their bed, curled inwards with tear tracks on his cheeks. He can feel his heart drop as he toes off his shoes and makes his way to the bed, shifting Buck around so that he’s cradling him, fingers running through Buck’s hair, knowing the younger man has always liked that.

He doesn’t know how much time has passed before Buck eventually stirs awake, and the moment he realizes Eddie is holding him, Buck tenses, and Eddie’s heart breaks. When Maddie and Athena had mentioned to him that Buck thought Eddie was having an affair, he hadn’t wanted to believe it. But then they had told him what Buck had seen, heard and thought, and he couldn’t help but feel so stupid, and wondering if he was ever going to do something  _ right _ in his life.

“Hey babe,” Eddie ends up whispering, heart pounding inside his chest while he watches Buck, biting the inside of his lower lip while wondering if Buck will answer him or pull away. 

“I talked to Maddie and Athena today. Or well, they cornered me and then shouted at me before telling me something incredibly interesting,” Eddie says, still running his fingers through Buck’s hair even though he can feel Buck becoming more tense. His heart hurts for his boyfriend, and within a split second, he decides to move around so that he’s lying in front of Buck with his arms wrapped around the younger man.

“And at first, I didn’t really want to believe them, because I love you, and I try to show you that every second of every day, but then they showed me the evidence, and I realized that, partnered with that, maybe I wasn’t showing you enough how much I love you.” Eddie whispers, watching Buck carefully as he frowns.

“I’m not cheating on you. I’m not having an affair with someone else, and I am completely, fully, in love with you. I will explain every instance you thought I was cheating, if you’ll let me.” Eddie adds, reaching up and running his fingers through Buck’s hair.

“Can you?” Buck whispers after a few moments, and Eddie nods, continuing to run his fingers through Buck’s hair with a soft smile.

“So, the first phone call you overheard was me talking to Maddie. I needed her help, but I also wanted to ask her for her permission with something in regards to you. I knew I didn’t  _ need _ it, but I still wanted to ask,” Buck frowns at him, and Eddie smiles softly. “You’ll understand in a few minutes, promise,” he says with a small smirk before biting his lip and wondering how else to continue.

“The second phone call you overheard was me on the phone with the manager of the store you saw me coming out of. Maddie had given me her permission, had wanted to come join me at the store the first time I went. So we had to work out when we could both go to the store. ANd the manager had called me when you were sleeping with a time, and I had talked to Maddie through texts. We had agreed on a time, and she was incredibly excited,” Eddie laughs.

“Why was Maddie excited? Why did you need permission?” Buck asks and Eddie chuckles, leaning forward to kiss him before pulling away so he doesn’t get distracted.

“The third time, I truly was with one of my army buddies, and he did bring down one of his friends, who is a psychic. When you saw her holding my hand, she was giving me a reading, telling me I needed to be careful of my next steps, because as excited as  _ I _ was for them, there could be a miscommunication that could cause someone to get hurt.” Eddie says with his own frown before sighing, “I should have listened to her more, admittedly, since I hurt you with choices.” 

“So there really  _ was _ an army guy?” Buck asks, voice low while Eddie whispers and nods.

“His name is Alex. His friend is Maria. They’re from New Mexico. We served together. The two of them had come to visit, look for a faith healer for Maria’s mom, I guess. Eventually, Alex had to go his own way for a few hours. Maria and I went out for dinner, and that’s where you saw us.” Eddie finishes while watching Buck carefully, watching as his face twitches with his thoughts, thoughts that Eddie can very clearly read on Buck’s face.

“And the shop, with the ring?” Buck asks, and Eddie hates how his voice sounds, hates the insecurity he can hear coming from Buck, and does everything he can to move closer to the younger man, tangling their legs together.

“Maddie was supposed to come with me, but she ended up getting called into work, so Maria went with me. This isn’t how I wanted to do this, you know,” Eddie whispers, reaching over to his back pocket and taking the ring out of it, letting Buck’s eyes rest on it, watching as he frowns, trying not to find the man so damn adorable in his confusion.

“Evan Buck Buckley, I love you. I love how you love Christopher, and how you treat him like he’s your own kid. I love your enthusiasm, and how excited you can be over the smallest things,” Eddie whispers, and he can’t help but smile as Buck’s eyes widen, his tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip.

“Are you --” Buck begins, looking between the ring and Eddie, and Eddie hums, before continuing on with his speech, “I love waking up in your arms every morning, or waking up with you in my arms. I love spending nights with you and Chris on the couch, or at the dinner table. I love going to work with you and coming home with you. And to you. I love everything about you, Buck.” Eddie continues on, wiping away the tears that have started to fall from Buck’s eyes with a small smile.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Buck. I want you in my life, forever, and it’s always going to be you I want in my life.” Eddie finishes with another small smile, placing the ring in Buck’s palm, letting the other man decide if he’s going to put it on.

“Ask me,” Buck whispers, and Eddie can’t help but laugh before moving forward to kiss Buck, biting on Buck’s lower lip, letting the two of them getting lost in the passion of the kiss before Eddie pulls away, not going very far from Buck.

“Will you marry me?” Eddie whispers against the man’s lips with a small smile, his heart pounding as Buck places the ring onto his finger with a small smile.

“Yes,” Buck whispers, moving forward and kissing Eddie, his hand on the back of Eddie’s neck, causing Eddie to moan before breaking away.

“You saw me coming out of the shop that day with this ring. It should have been Maddie next to me, but Alex and Maria were still around, Alex having another appointment, so Maria came with me, instead.” Eddie whispers, wrapping his arms around Buck and sighing softly.

“I got the ring inscribed.” He adds, smiling when Buck takes it off and looks at the inside of it before grinning.

“You could have my back,” Buck chuckles and Eddie grins.

“And you know, you could have mine,” Eddie finishes with a whisper, smiling when Buck kisses him softly.

**Author's Note:**

> I would love to know your thoughts. Comments and concrit are brilliant. Come yell at me on [my tumblr](https://smartbuckley.tumblr.com).


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